This Thanksgiving I tried a variation for the old tried-and-true mashed potatoes. Knowing that George and Marcella both love potatoes but both have issues with dairy, I warned them ahead of time and also got some Lactaid. I promised them something really good.
On the big day, with love in my heart, I peeled and boiled and mashed. I proudly served the beautiful mashed potatoes in my mother's yellow bowl. We agreed that these had to be the very best mashed potatoes EVAH. I felt really good to have given them such a treat.
Then. First Marcella, who cannot tolerate butter, and then George, who has some sort of lactose intolerance, got indigestion. Bad indigestion. Woe was me. Turns out you have to take the lactase stuff for three days before it's effective. I'm not sure that would have helped, but maybe.
Anyhow, the potatoes really were terrific. They were my midnight snack and then made a good breakfast, heated in the microwave and eaten by me. All alone.
So here is the recipe.. I guess we can call this:
Lucrezia Borgia's Awesome Spuds
Five pounds of potatoes.
One cube of butter.
One square package of cream cheese.
Salt, pepper.
Milk as necessary.
Peel and boil potatoes. Or don't peel them; I don't care. When they're cooked, drain and mash. Add butter, cream cheese. Add milk until the consistency is good. Add salt and pepper.
This will either make your family sick right away or it will work on their arteries in a more stealthy manner and they will keel over with a coronary in the middling future. Lucrezia would probably consider this a win-win.
